alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
