Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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