I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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