Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
