if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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