I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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