Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
