I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
