Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
