'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
