Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
