Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
