u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to make a zoo with you.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
