also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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