"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
