i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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