I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
