i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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