Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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