I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
