Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
