I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
