He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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