his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
