I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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