I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
