He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
