Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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