Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
