the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
