I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there