After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.