He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
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I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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When did we convert life to cartoon?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.