if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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