We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
