I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
