So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?