i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.