I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE