does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later