he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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