how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
