I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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