I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
