Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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