Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
