I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
