I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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