You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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