yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize