this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
