Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
