and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
