i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
