Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have demons in me.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
