I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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