I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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