im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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