I'm really into asian looking animals
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
