Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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