I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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