Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
