I CAN MOONWALK!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
