OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
