I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
