Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
