Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
