please come you make the beer taste better
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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