theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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