You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
