So drunk its hurt
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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