Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
