my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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